hujan itu romantis

:">

mendung dan hujan itu romantis...

selalu romantis

eh, iya nggak sih?

menurutmu? :)

*lagi pengen ber-menye-menye :p*

Daddy's Little Girl

"You're still Daddy's favorite little girl. You have grandma's eyes and her smile..."

My Dad never says anything like this. My Mom does a lot :D My Dad likes to discuss serious things with a bit of flat jokes [sometimes] I hardly understand, but I still love Him much and always miss these kinds of long-and-winding-and-almost-un-ended-discussion :P I accompanied him to the train station before I went to the office this morning. He was going to leave Jakarta for Solo, our second home. I hate goodbye's. Even this kind of leave always happens periodically either Mom or Dad. I gazed at his gray hair [and mustache, and beard] and suddenly got teary eyed.


I'm sorry for the very limited quality time we had, Dad. I'm sorry for the things I had missed with you that money can't buy. I do care and love you a lot in spite of those self-defenses I made everytime we talked about life. I'm sorry for I haven't fulfilled that one simple wish and prayer you always had for me. I wish you knew how much I tried Dear Dad, I really do. I hope it won't let you down, because I always want to see you Happy :) I'm proud to be your daughter and I always need you as one of the most important person who knows what's best in my life no matter what. May Allah always guides you and protects you all the way... Have a safe trip Dad, love you.



~Train station is the saddest place in my life. It's where I always left and being left~

stinging sting

I always love Sting [awesome song titles and lyrics :P], and of course this song.
Imagining two people dancing waltz with their hearts,
Always love to see [and feel the emotion of] that slow-motion dance :)

When We Dance ~ Sting

Another Sting's songs I love love love: Fields of Gold, My Funny Friend and Me, Dessert Rose, I Must Have Loved You, and... Why Should I Cry For You? :)

O Captain, My Captain!

by Walt Whitman

O Captain! my Captain!
our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.


O Captain! my Captain!
rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up--for you the flag is flung--for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths--for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;

Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You've fallen cold and dead.


My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.


(also being read in the movie: Dead Poet Society ~ carpe diem!)

Somewhere Out There

somewhere out there,
out where dreams come true :)

Reunion and Singled Out

Last Saturday I went to a small reunion with some very good friends of mine at college. We're supposed to be five persons, Me, Reny, Josa, Arif and Indra. But Indra stays in Malang now with his wife and his soon-to-be-born-Son :) [congrats to both of you], so we only got four of us plus plus. Josa and his fiancee Nonon, and of course Reny and her husband Alby [too bad you didn't bring Rayhan with you guys, I reaaaally wanted to pinch his chubby cheek, hehe ~ bad Aunty :p]. Arif came alone while his fiancee in Yogyakarta, and they are now preparing for their wedding in December. And the last one, still.. the single me :) [backsound cheers: YEY! hip hip horray! ^^)/"]


We had a very great time sharing laughter here and there, remembering good old days with those silly things and the jokes. No matter how we [correction, it was ME] avoid talking about marriage, still.. it's the 'thing' that you just can't pretend you don't care. They keep asking me such question about who's-that-lucky-guy and so on, and so forth :)


..and I just smiled really wide and said wisely:
"Well, it's complicated. Guys are [sometimes] complicated" :p


and then they asked:
"weren't they? Wasn't that you who make that complicated?"

Grow Old

cute :) love it!

place where I wanna be

Beach and friends, oh-how-I-wish-to-be-there right now.
just feel tired of some dramas I had these couple weeks months.




hhh,



...and I believe everything happens for a reason :|

In Between

Nggak perlu jadi Manajer untuk jadi decision maker,
Nggak perlu jadi Direktur untuk mengubah hidupmu dan hidup orang lain,


Keputusan sesulit apapun, apakah
"aku akan melakukan itu" atau
"aku tak mau melakukan itu"
adalah sesuatu yang harus diambil salah satu,
karena kamu harus memutuskan,
Ya atau tidak.


jangan berada diantaranya.



*berharap aku telah melakukan [dan mengatakan] sesuatu yang benar*

wedding: does it really matter?

aku baru ber-nostalgila dengan beberapa tulisanku blog lama
[dan menyadari bahwa tulisanku di blog lama itu ternyata juga nggak jelek-jelek amat. Beuh. PeDe Dahsyat! hahaha :D - Nb: coba kalian refresh dan refresh terus halamannya, atau buka tulisanku yang lain di arsip, adakah page detail yang berubah-ubah? yak, benar. Image bunga rumput di header atas kiri. hihi. Gak penting deng *Pamer Mode ON* ]

Lalu apa hubungannya dengan weddings?
salah satunya yang related to today's happenings
which are: weddings adalah tulisanku disini
iya, akhir agustus ini ada [lagi] salah satu sahabatku [dari banyak teman-temanku] yang menikah.

aku nggak akan membuat tulisan tentang ringkasan acaranya
karena kemarin aku datengnya juga telat
*hehehe maafkan aku ya Nik, maklum baru sampe dari Jakarta dan... kesasar :P*

cuma mau berbagi sedikit cerita aja:
dulu waktu nulis di blog lama itu,
aku bilang: kira-kira who's gonna be the next bride? not me, I guess
Sekarang sudah lewat 2 tahun, and my guessing was right.
I'm not the one, not even soon-to-be-one :p at least for now
[hey, berfikirlah positif.. betul?]


as I wrote this down,
I already knew that (among the four of us), I'm gonna be the last.

Okay well,
Does it really matter?

Bagi orang-orang disekelilingku yang hobi sekali menanyakan hal-yang-menurutku-cukup-sensitif ini, tentu saja masalah... entah sampai kapan atau jawaban apa yang dapat membuat mereka bosan bertanya padaku yaaa.. duh! [percayalah padaku, mereka menanyakan ini hampir setiap hari, setiap ada kesempatan dan setiap ada topik yang bisa dibelokkan tema-nya menjadi: calon suami. haiyaaa. anyway, biasanya aku meng-amin-i saja, walopun kadang dalam hati bilang "cabeee deeeh" *sambil nyakarin tembok*]

Bagi keluarga-ku, sedikit masalah. Ibuku sudah mengkhawatirkan kenapa anaknya ini nggak kunjung memberikan tanda-tanda 'ada-seseorang' untuk dijadikan calon menantu. Untuk yang satu ini, aku sudah menyiapkan jawaban super panjaaaang, super deklamasi, super ilmiah-alamiah dengan menggunakan teori korelasi antara pilihan-hidup-keluarga-dan-rasa-bahagia-until-death-do-us-apart. Halagh. hahaha.

Indeed, I mean it.
Marriage is one sacred decision that I want to live forever. Obviously, they don't want me to choose the wrong one, do they?
dan Alhamdulillah mereka mengerti.

Bagi aku sendiri, bukan masalah berat-berat amat. Walaupun sampai sekarang, setiap ada sahabatku yang [akan] menikah, rasa campur aduk seneng, terharu, deg-degan nggak berenti-berenti, dan macem-macem-perasaan-anehnya itu masih saja ada. Oh ya and plus: jadi mikir "come on Ti, when do you think you're gonna be getting out of this hostage situation, ha?" :D

Mengutip kata-kataku di blog lama itu: ...for me, it needs time. Time to heal, time to find the right person i can spend the rest of my life with [iBu ku langsung complain: Time is ticking, nduk... time is tickiiiiing!] Hemm... Perhaps, one reason why Time so important is: knowing that He's already halfway THERE, and I'm still all alone [He can do that, why can't I?]. Ah well, bukankah itu sesuatu yang seharusnya tidak dikhawatirkan? :)


And I think I'll just keep writing on my blog
and hopefully someday I'll have my own wedding story to share with you guys [amin]. Encouragement of the day: There's gotta be someone, somewhere... For sure :)


*Ya Rabbi, jika sesuatu yang baik itu masih diatas langit, maka turunkanlah...
bilamana sukar, maka mudahkanlah...
bilamana jauh, maka dekatkanlah...*

ah, kapan ya aku ketemu kamu?

pernah ada yang bilang nggak,
kalau mau janjian ketemuan
(selain urusan bisnis, pastinya)
jangan pernah direncanakan jauh-jauh hari,
karna biasanya nggak jadi-jadi (ketemuannya).
adaaa aja gitu penyebabnya
cuaca lah, kesehatan lah, acara lain lah,
kesibukan lah, males kena macet lah, etc lah :p

mungkin berlaku juga untuk jodoh ya.
jangan berharap-harap akan ketemu kapan
sejak jauh-jauh hari.
karna nanti nggak ketemu-ketemu


huahahahaha

kamu sekarang lagi ngapain?

pasti lagi kangen aku :p

iya kan? pasti iya deh

konversasi-ala-ibunda-dan-anak

"...lulusan S2 loh nduk, kata bulik mau sekolah lagi ke Amerika..."
aku senyum aja. "Iya Bu...terus???"
(mau ke Amerika kek, Inggris kek, Zimbabwe kek,
titel kan belum tentu jamin bahagia, ya gak?)
"mau nggak?"
aku senyum lagi sambil mengelus punggung Ibu
"bilangin Bulik, buat dek Ajeng aja"
"loh kok kamu gitu, kenalan aja nggak ada salahnya to nduk cah ayu..."
aku mengehela napas panjang sambil senyum agak sedikit dipaksakan
"Bu, aku kan masih muda..."
"tahun ini kamu 25 tahun lho, jangan lupa"
"iya tapi aku kan..."


kami diam sejenak


"cuma kenalan sayang, nggak mau njodohin kamu kok"
(oh please... do I look that 'pathetic'?)
"aku bisa nyari sendiri" (meringis)
"kapan dong?"
"apanya?"
"Ibu kan juga pingin nimang cucu....."

aduh! mati kutu aku kalo' denger itu.
Emotional blackmail by my mom.
It always works :(

jujur aja aku paling males terlibat konversasi beginian.
bosen.
tapi mau bilang apa juga, kata temenku,
topik ini yang paling menarik untuk dibicarakan.
nggak terkecuali buat Ibuku,
yang akhir2 ini getol mengingatkan aku betapa inginnya
beliau melihatku memakai gaun pengantin.
Bahkan waktu nemenin aku mencari bahan kebaya
(untuk acara2 nikahan teman, harus nyetok soalnya.. hhhh),
Ibu sudah ancer-ancer nanti kalo aku nikah,
keluarga besarku akan pakai seragam warna apa,
yang bahan apa, sampai berandai-andai tempat ku nikah segala.
Sesekali aku ikut-ikutan merancang, begini dan begitu.
tapi sebenarnya didalam.. aku malah jadi tersiksa sendiri.
Mau dirancang sebagus apa juga,
kalo gak ada mempelai pria-nya gimana mau ada acara? :D
huahahahahahaha. silly me.